Poetry in motion- Oxford tour, 8th March 2008

Dear Griffs,

 In the heat of our preparation for our derby against the 2A’s I would like to remind you that we are on higher moral grounds whatever the result of Saturday maybe! “Damn’ thou who got a win without a proper battle for it” is my favourite Shakespeare quote for that particular matter.

A propos Shakespeare, I have the honour and pleasure to herewith invite you - on behalf our well respected literature critic Lord Struan of Wimbledon and myself – to the first “Griffin’s Poetry in Motion Festival” on Saturday March 8th in the lovely city of Oxford, Oxfordshire.

 The arty program for that day will be:

1030 – 1200 Classical Shakespeare drama called “Richmond Griffins against the Oxford Baby Boys”

1200 – 1400 Chill-out and light pub lunch with an introductory speech of Lord Struan of Wimbledon 

1400 – 1500 Check In at the luxury 5* Premier Inn Oxford Business Park at the Garsington Road, OX4 2JZ

1500 – 1700 Guided introductory walking tour through Oxford city centre with some refreshments on the way

1700 – 1900 Part 1 of the Poetry in Motion Oxford Pub Tour “In the footsteps of J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis”

1900 – 2100 Exquisite dinner in one of the most famous literature cafes

2100 – 2400 Part 2 of the Poetry in Motion Oxford Pub Tour “In the footsteps of J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis”

2400 -          The Griffin’s Poet of the Year Award Ceremony at Nightclub The Bridge, led by Lord Struan of Wimbledon and Yerom Nunchuk, Japanese Award Winning Match Day Reporter.

During the Poetry in Motion Tour we will have the famous ‘Stand Up Poetry Competition’, where each participant will be asked to perform a memorable act with some light entertainment involving any normal Oxford pub visitors or tourists. This to obey our duty to spread the Word of Higher Literature and Poetry across to normal human beings. Oh Lord, Halleluja! So come prepared! Lord Struan and myself will objectively and based upon a livelong experience in performance poetry award the Griffin’s Poet of the Year in an Oscar-like setting at Nightclub The Bridge.

As the motto under literature friends is ‘we do not care we share’, we have reserved a number of double-bedrooms at the price of 32 GBP/head to be paid at arrival. So if you ever wanted a long night of reciting poems back-to-back under one cover with a brother-in-spirit, than come in and join us. Furthermore we request an upfront cash fee of 30 GBP/head to cover the costs of the guided tour, dinner and a couple of drinks. To be paid after the Shakespear Drama. Refunds only possible in liquid form. Please confirm your presence by replying to this email at your earliest convenience and tick the following boxes:

Yes, I would like to be at the Shakespear Drama “Richmond Griffins against the Oxford Baby Boys” at 1030
No, I can not participate because the In-Laws are coming and I am taking them on a boring boat tour across the Thames and than have dinner in a cheap dirty Asian hole in Soho/Chinatown

Yes, I need a bed for the night at 32 GBP/head and love to share it with one of the other great Griffin’s Poets
No, I have to get home to my missus straight after the match, because she is afraid that our night of poetry will end up in an ordinary binge drinking event in a table dance bar

Yes, I want to participate in the Griffin’s Poet of the Year Award Contest
No, I am too shy to recite a poem in a packed pub full of Rugby Hooligans. I rather prefer to perform a pole dancing act at breakfast the next morning.

Gentlemen, please note that dress-code for the event will be Griffins Maroon and White for the Shakespear Drama and ‘Literature Critics Costume with (Bow) Tie’ for the remainder of the event. In bed you can wear whatever you want. I need your confirmations by Tuesday March 4th Close of Play, so that I can confirm the hotel rooms.We are looking forward to seeing you in Oxford on March 8th 2008!

 The Griffins European Tour and Travel CommitteeSgd. Lord Struan of Wimbledon,
Senior Vice-President and
Prof. Dr. Dr. H.C. in British Higher Morale Standards Literature 

Sgd. Yerom Nunchuk,
Chief Executive Assistant Manager and
Japanese Match Reporter of the Year Award Winner 

Tour dates 2008

Dear Spicko,
 
I wonder whether it was the beers or my posing act on the table in lederhosen that switched off your brains and on your basic instincts, but never mind here they come: the Griffs events for 2008, the year of the krauths (forget the rats):
 
• Sat March 8th thru Sunday March 9th after match event in Oxford. We will stay in the luxury local YMCA for 22 GBP/head and than run off for a game of pub crawling through the ancient town centre. You need to prepare a cabaret act for one of the pubs involving non-Griffs-public, preferably female. Extra points if you score a smelly Australian female tourist with a beard in our 6-bed-room, while she is still wearing her tracking boots. Objective refereeing by Struan and myself.
• Fri Aug 1st thru Sunday Aug 3rd mixed hockey tournament at HTHC in Hamburg. We will party in a river-beach-club, on the famous ‘Kiez’ and in the club owned swimming pool. Everywhere you look, blond! I will arrange a place where you can leave your bags and take a shower, but everybody is responsible for finding his own bed. I will arrange emergency shelter for all those poor buggers who can not take care of themselves. But please than do not complain, if she is not your type.
• Fri Sep 19 thru Sun Sep 21 OCTOBERFEST in Munich! Find yourself a lederhosen and get going. We will warm up on Friday night in one of the most famous Munich beer gardens and than…. Sat 1000 Weisswurscht-fruehstueck im Augustiner, Sat 1200 opening of the Octoberfest im Hofbraeuzelt, from 1200-2300 drink drink dance sing drink, Sat 2300 chill out in one of the local posh clubs. And Sunday? All over again. Take the Monday off to relax, because you will be totally and utterly broken down. But you will be able to sing in German, know the secret of push up bra’s and have learned that there is more in German beer than just 5.0%…
 
I will get the details out asap and propose flights/accommodation. Than the sign in procedure will start. I count on you.
 
 
Yours faithfully,
Nunchuck,
Griffins’ European Festival And Travel Tour Operator

Poetry in motion pub list

The Griffins Poetry in Motion tour, Oxford 2008-03-08
Theatres the Griffs will possibly perform in (in no particular order):
1. The Turf- 4 Bath Place Holywell, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 3SU (Imran Khan was the subject of racial abuse here where a local yobo told him “Dover, now fuck off”, after over hearing Imi ask the barman what their best port was. Imi single handily destroyed England in their next test)
2. Jericho Tavern- 56 Walton Street, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX2 6AE (Radiohead played their first ever gig here)
3. The Old Bookbinders Arms-17-18 Victor Street, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX2 6BT (Michael Palin invented the silly walk here)
4. The Three Goats Head-3A St. Michaels Street, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 2DR (Many a dirty deed has been performed at the goats head including Tony Blair’s infamous “inverted warthog” trick)
5. The Eagle and Child- 49 St Giles, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 3LU (JRR Tolkien met a man named Baggins here and took a liking to him. The in-house resident bum claims to have defeated Old Raj in a boat race in 1978)
6. The Lamb and Flag- 12 St Giles, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 3JS (Nothing significant has ever happened here. Occasionally the owner hands out free rounds- we should push for this)
7. The Grapes- 7, George St, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 2AT (A venue where Bill Clinton once received five inches of head)
8. The Kings Arms- 40 Holywell Street, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 3SP (Rumour has it that William Shakespeare once clocked a litre of ale in 4.2 seconds here while visiting a mate)
9. The Head of the River-Folly Bridge (bottom of High Street past Christ Church), Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 4LB (Apparently Hitler did not bomb Oxford because of the extraordinary beer that poured out of the taps at this pub)
10. The Bear- 6 Alfred Street, Oxford, Oxfordshire, OX1 4EH (According to Gaz, this venue is 7000 years old)
11. Madgalen College bar- On the way down the High Street towards the hotel
12. Exeter College bar- Turl Street off Broad Street (They serve snakebites)
13. The Bridge nightclub- 6-9 Hythe Brige Street, OX1 2EW (This has been built for our arrival in Oxford and locals assure us of a very impressive BG ratio, especially as it is the end of term)
14. Lava Ignite nightclub-Cantay House, Park End street, OX1 1JD (This is a meat market, BG ratio unknown)
15. The Zodiac (Carling Academy) nighclub- 190 Cowley Road OX4 1UE (near hotel)

Theatres the Griffs will not perform in:
1. The Coven- (It’s best not to speak about The Coven)

The memorable acts programme:
Venue 1-Oscar Wilde, Venue 2-Tolkien, Venue 3-Margaret Thatcher, Venue 4-King Herald V Norway, Venue 5-Cecil Day-Lewis, Venue6-Rowan Atkinson.
The Bridge Nightclub- Griffin Poet of the Year award

“Beer is living proof God loves us and wants us to be happy”- Benjamin Franklin

Yours in poetic truth,

 Griffin Lenny (Lord Struan of Wimbledon)

Maidenhead Moosed, now bring on the 2A’s

Last Saturday saw the mighty Griffs travel to Maidenhead. The lads weren’t expecting a tough game and they were right. Sadly Maidenhead didn’t come to the party, and had 4 blasted past them…..with 2 goals being disallowed. None the less, 2 very neat goals by the Argentine international Diego, with some clinical work from the inspiring Lenny, saw the Griffs roll to a comfortable win. The game did however prove to be a very good warm-up for this saturday’s match against the 2A’s.

 

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Hampstead & Westminster (away)

Looking at the current league standings the Griffs are sitting in a well deserved 2nd place. Awesome work boys!!! Let’s keep pushing until Christmas, I’m sure numbers will be low come Jan when everyone decides to go skiing.A fantastic performance last Saturday saw the Griffs come back from 1-0 down after 30 seconds to win 5-2….our Hampstead friends were well and truly put in their place after coming into the game with two 6 goal victories under their belts, and strolling onto the park like they were invincible!!One key note from last weekend…..4 of our 5 goals came from short corners!!!! Have the Griffs turned a corner??

Wimbledon Hammered

The match was filled with some classic moments, but how could anyone forget PacMan’s goal, in only the first game of the season we already have a clear contender for “goal of the season”. That beauty will take a lot of beating!!! A special mention to our man Oscar (aka JC) for not only umpiring the first half but also for his two goal line saves in the closing minutes of the game. Make sure you’re around this Saturday when JC turns water into snakebite!!! Woo hoo!!

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GRIM UP NORTH FOR GRIFFS

With a full day to clear their ASAHEEdaches, the Richmond Griffins set off for the long trip up North to play their last game in this ‘anus horribilis’ (nb no typing error). They were up against the third-placed Southgate HC, like the Griffins captained by two players, though in their case it’s two captains trapped in one overweight centre forward’s body. On the one hand is the friendly diplomat bantering with the opposition, and on the other a more obnoxious self-righteous idiot who epitomises all there is to dislike about these Northern infidels.

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Rumble in the bogg: enter the ninja

Richmond Griffins 3 (1) - (1) 1 H&W 5th XI 
 
Date:         20th November 2004
Venue:      Quintin Hogg Memorial Ground (Waterbase)
Scorer(s):  Giachetti, Crosby, Griffin

reports Raggy Omar, Griffins News…..

A tough game at the Bogg saw the Griffins emerge victorious and close the gap at the top of the table to a single point, but not without some worrying moments and a certain captain glad that the phrase “Don’t do as I do, do as I say” can prove a useful defence at times.

[Ed: We’ve got some new action snaps from this week’s game. Click here to view all photos, or (in a new griffs.co.uk storyboarding initiative), click on the links in the report to be taken to the relevant action shot]

The Griffins returned to the Quintin Bogg to take on Hampstead and Westminster Hammers on what was a truly miserable, cold and wet London day. The side were glad to welcome back Griffin Griffin, Toby and also Chappers, fresh from his triumphant 26-mile walk in New York, and even more happy to take on an opposition that included a forward with the temerity to bet £100 that he would score five goals past the Griffins this season. Red-rag to a number of bulls who rarely need any encouragment…

It was somewhat portentous that the team seemed to take a rather leisurely, almost lackadaisical approach to the warm-up. The Gayliff had spotted the absence of intensity but was at a loss to explain it: maybe the Griffins were dazzled by Baar’s stylish new headband,maybe several had become drunk on Toby’s breath or maybe complacency was creeping into the Griffins’ ranks? Regardless, the Gayliff tried to shake his men out of their torpor, but to no avail….

Needless to say, Hampstead and Westminster started quicker out of the blocks and dominated the start of the first half, besieging the Griffins’ goal. For once Bing, Paul and Spicko struggled to hold their own in midfield against a well-drilled opposition whose one-touch hockey saw the ball moved around the pitch crisply and invariably past many a despairing Griffin stick. It came as no surprise when Hampstead took the lead after eight minutes, as another impressive set of passes and a lack of concentration in the Griffins’ defence found none other than ‘Eddie’, Chappers cocky, bet-toting friend, free on the right-hand side of the D. Poor Moaney Monasch, left hopelessly exposed by his team, could do nothing about the shot as the Griffins went 1-0 down and Eddie started towards his 5-goal target (a target that seemed eminently achievable in one match, let alone two, given the Griffins’ start to the game). This was one-way traffic.

With Eddie already envisaging how he would spend his 100 smackers, the added edge that the bet had given to the game resulted in tempers becoming frayed on both sides. Hampstead starting objecting to a number of umpiring decisions, with Eddie demonstrating a penchant for histrionics by throwing his stick off the pitch in reaction to a Collina whistle, only to be greeted with a chorus of laughter and derision from the Griffins bench. Not to be left out in a competition for ‘Most Melodramatic Man On The Pitch’, Moaney instigated a typical fracas in the Griffins D which i) smacked of handbags and ii) paled into insignificance when compared to what was to follow from the Gayliff.

A drastic improvement was needed if the Griffins were to stay in the game, and having been lucky to survive the early Hampstead onslaught only one goal down, the team slowly began to claw their way back into the match. The midfield finally started to win some ball and the rotating forward line of Chappers, Franco, Old Rog and Griffin Griffin pushed higher to threaten the opposition goal for the first time. Several short corners ensued, and then unbelievably, against the run of play…GOAL!!!!!! Having won another penalty-corner, the crack Griffins corner special-team held a council of war at the top of the D and agreed that the opposition were not defending the right side of their circle. The corner was taken and the Gayliff was released towards the right; he nudged the ball past a lone defender and then flicked the ball superbly inside the left hand post. 1-1.

So against all the odds, the Griffins went into half-time level and lucky to have achieved parity. Your correspondent was not privy to the exact details of the Gayliff’s half-time team talk, but several members of the team testified later that it was not a pleasant experience, as the Griffins’ captain laid into his men and told them, above all else, to keep their discipline…oh, dear. Paul was certainly happy to be escaping to Twickenham, although his happiness would only be short lived as we all know. Elsewhere, Chappers took it upon himself to embark upon a diplomatic mission to the Hampstead half-time huddle in an attempt to calm some tempers and bring some maturity to proceedings. Needless to say his conciliatory pleadings were rejected out of hand by an aggressive Hampstead team; rumour has it that you reap exactly what you sow…….

 Whatever it was the Gayliff had really said at half-time, the effect was palpable, as the Griffins screamed out of the blocks in the second-half and upped the pace all over the park. Up front, the Youngster was injecting pace into the attack whilst the midfield took a firm grip on the game and the defence finally began to shut up shop. Unsurprisingly, the Griffins began to dominate the game and threaten the Hampstead goal repeatedly, with Old Rog revelling in his new forward role and going close twice before…GOAL!!! Another short-corner, but this time it was Goal-Machine Crosby who was released into the D, calmly beating a couple of Hampstead players before flicking high into the right-hand side of the goal. 2-1, and things were just beginning to get interesting.

 At first, Hampstead responded in orthodox fashion, hitting the post and forcing Moaney Monasch into a number of good saves. At the other end, the Griffins also went close when Bing hit the frame of the goal after some more good work from Old Rog and Franco. And then…well, then…Enter the Ninja.

 ”Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don’t even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.”

www.realultimatepower.net
 

Yeah, and I heard that there was this Ninja, who got rapped around the knee by a Hampstead player and then pole-axed the guy in, like a nano-second, by using his ninja-throat attack. Indeed, in reacting to the petulant assault from the opposition, the Gayliff saw more red than someone spray-painting a fleet of Ferraris, lashing out instantly to floor the offender and seemingly forgetting the substance of his half-time team talk. True, the Hampstead player did go down ‘Rivaldo-style’ as if a sniper had picked him off from the top of the pavilion, but the Gayliff’s martial arts put the Griffins at a huge disadvantage when a 22-man handbag session and a number of minutes of Collina-led deliberation culminated in the skipper receiving his first yellow card of the season. Exit The Ninja, and enter the 10-man Griffins hanging onto their lead.

Lucky then that the 10 men managed to weather the storm commendably, repelling an ever-aggressive opposition for a full seven minutes before Collina waved the Gayliff back on. Back to full strength, the Griffins decided to finish the game off, with Chappers and Mikee G continuuing to have an excellent games in support of Spicko and Bing in midfield; even Toby had managed to sober up and was timing his tackles nicely. The pressure began to build on Hampstead, with Spicko going close via a trademark reverse-stick effort and Franco improbably trying to lob the keeper from the top of the D when presented with a one-on-one. Then…GOAL!!!! A wonderfully simple move down the right witnessed Franco feed the Youngster, whose bullet of a cross seemed to be destined for the opposite sideline until Griffin Griffin dived majestically and at full length to deflect the ball inside the far post and into the net. 3-1 and the Griffins had sewn things up with a goal from the top-drawer.

With the Griffins clearly in ascendance,it was down to Eddie and his mates to continue to take the moral low ground. Not content with trying to aggravate Old Rog, Hampstead even targeted the normally inoffensive Baar, with a particularly pernicious opponent accusing him of looking like John McEnroe. Baar advised his tormentor to “take a look at the scoreboard” before roasting him again, and then informing his Griffin team-mates that he felt he was more Borg than McEnroe.

Not rising to the bait, the Griffins held out until the final whistle to record a victory, despite both Bing and Rich pulling hamstrings and Spicko becoming distraught that he couldn’t take his customary breather. It had been a tough encounter, but the team had managed to squeeze out a win to close the gap on Spencer at the top of the league. Thoughts turn to St. Albans next week and to whether, as claimed on www.entertheninja.com, ninjas really did invent the Internet.

This is Raggy Omar, Griffin News

Crosby Leads the Charge of the Fight Brigade

23.10.04 10.30
Paddington Rec Ground (sand)
H&W 4’s 2 Griffs 3

Why the long face? The Gayliff is penalised
Why the long face? The Gayliff is penalised.

One hundred and fifty years ago today the British cavalry took on Russian guns. The Charge of the Light Brigade was one of the most ill-fated encounters in British military history, but a story of remarkable bravery in the face of adversity. On Saturday, self-styled modern day Lord Cardigan, the Gayliff, led his charges in what will be known in future years as ‘the Battle of Paddington Recreation Ground’.

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Southgate Hit for Six

16.10.04, 16:00 QH Water
Griffs 6 Southgate 4’s 1

Treacherous weather conditions welcomed the Griffins to their first home fixture of the season. A late pushback on the ‘water-based’ pitch was accompanied by torrential downpours, which certainly didn’t help the Griffs’ free-flowing hockey style.

Southgate, newly promoted, have had a tough start to their season, and the Griffins were guilty at times of thinking goals would come easy, with no fear of allowing the opposition in. This was proved early on when Lighty & Chappers were caught at the back on their own and outnumbered. This close shave was enough to spur the boys into action, and things settled down thereafter.

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