The Griffs

Gentlemen

I would like to begin by admitting that I have not performed my Griffin scouting duties within the law and oath that a true Griffin scout should abide by. I therefore feel it is necessary to make it clear to all those who wish to follow the Griffin scouting fraternity to read and live the Griffin scouting law. It is my true honour to present the Griffin scout’s oaths and laws:

Scouting Oath

1. A Griffin scout will do his duties to God and the King Griffin.
2. A Griffin scout will do his best to help his fellow Griffs despite whatever it may cost him.
3. A Griffin scout knows the Griffin scouting laws and will obey them.

And now for the law:

1. A Griffin scouts honour is to be trusted.
2. A Griffin scout is loyal to the Griffin King and to his fellow Griffs, and to his country.
3. A Griffin scout is a friend to all and a brother to every other Griffin, no matter to what social class the other belongs.
4. A Griffin Scout smiles and whistles under all circumstances. (My favourite)
5. A Griffin scout is thrifty.

There are other laws but I decided to scrap them from the Griffin laws cause they were dodgy and can be seen to make us weak.
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The hot English winter day of February 21, 2009, would forever change the lives of 12 young boys and 1 old man from South West London. When an urgent plea came from Griffin Walrus to come and assist his defence against an approaching force of over 50 Hampstead and Westminster men, they came from every direction and all walks of life. This is their story . . .

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“The path of the righteous team is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of biased umpires. Blessed is he who in the name of the Griffs shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost motivation. And we will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy our brothers. And you will know our name is The Griffs when we lay our vengeance upon thee.”

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The pre-match gossip was everywhere, indeed the fixture promised much. On paper - a full strength Griffin team was primed with the return of key Griffins Pacman and Judge. The opposition - Tulse Hill & Dulwich, an attacking team with pace up front benefiting from momentum on the league table.

Despite a home advantage the Griffins suffered an early set back in the form of a 10am push back. However, not to be beaten by the early start Griffins from the four corners of London (including Griffin Scale of Reading) began to turn up. All but Griffin Baar managed to beat the cold, travel problems and early start. Sources on the ground suggest his absence was down to an evening of rampant gay sex and a terrible rash resulting from the use of several tubes of KY jelly.

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The last five months have seen unprecedented global turmoil in the world economy. Job losses, recession predictions, large-scale fraud and flaccid housing markets have plagued the headlines without respite, leaving most Londoners reeling with anxiety and grappling for a glimmer of light in the seemingly endless dark void that is the future. However, as with everything, there is always the diamond in the rough; a glimmer of maroon light that pierces the blackness and warms the soul; a true testament to consistency that is the rise and rise of the Griffins. Having been embroiled in these circumstances with little time to liaise with my chief public relations officer (who deserves a special mention for taking much punishment in my absence), I once again I find myself reporting on an explosive first season half in a new league with the Griffs, their right boot firmly fixed up the proverbial ar$e of Europe ahead of the Christmas break.

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After a tour of legendary proportions I can only compliment the great Nunchucks of Nederlands (with yellow number plate) with his outstanding performance of organising.However, I leave it up to the rest of the Griffins ranks to take what they are offered and turn it into a memorable moment.

Look to the following for justice:Facebook from Theken Gold:

http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=66701&id=750491410

http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=66701&id=750491410&ref=mf

Facebook from the Pykey:

http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=140599&id=822940098&ref=mf

And From Baarrr:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegriffs/sets/72157606563925496/ 

Dear Griffs,

before you read any further, pls open Your Song of Billy Paul.

Is it running?

Excellent. Than I can talk now.

It was certainly a tournament to remember: smashing weather, 4 days/nights of non-stop partying and the easiest Boatrace victory of the century against a team that calls themselves Hectolitres. And let us not forget that we secured the awards for the Best Dancer of the Tournament (Rory) and prestigious Most Drunken Player of The Tournament Award (Rory again). The award ceremony is documenten with the pictures attached.

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 When working out which European festival we should attend, there was only one sensible solution from Dr Gepetto……

Let’s get scientific about this. While both destinations will not disappoint as far as quality goes, let’s be honest, while quality over quantity is important…..quality AND quantity is simply better!!!
 
We should calculate the B/G ratio for each tournament (B/G ratio: Bush to Griffin ratio). It’s a very simple valuation ratio of a tournament’s potential female attendance compared to the number of touring Griffs.
 
Example - with 13 touring Griffs, should the following tournaments host the following numbers, we will see how their B/G ratios compare (a high B/G is good):
Kiel - 6 touring ladies teams x 14 players = 84 divide by 13 = B/G 6.46
Konstanz - 8 touring ladies teams x 14 = 112/13 = B/G 8.6
Duesseldorf - 7 touring ladies teams x 14 = 98/13 = B/G 7.53
Hertogenbosch - 10 touring ladies teams x 14 = 140/13 - B/G 10.76
 
We can immediately see that Hertogenbosch would be the most suitable tournament.
 
VC and Numchucks, please report back with the expected B/G ratios for each of these tournaments so that planning may commence!!!
 
Yours in bush tactics,
Dr Gepetto

I would like to second the commendation for Griffin Jeroen Nunchuk for his superb organisation of the Poetry In Motion weekend, and reassert my dismay that he was unfortunately incapacitated and unable to attend (although his liver is currently thanking it’s lucky stars - in complete contrast to mine).
 
For those not in attendence I am happy to report that the Students were educated in the ways of hockey: we won 10-0… just to make the 2As THINK we got a walkover.
 
With the 2As playing the Oxford Students next week, and with the Students’ term having finished last week, they can safely chalk up their 4th (!) 10-0 walkover of the season. (Is that even allowed?)
 
All of which means that, as VC said, if we win our final 2 games of the season against Hampstead & Westminster (away) and Old Loughts (away) we’ll be crowned Division 3 Champions.
 
Finally, for those unable to experience the sophistimacated delights of the Griffs’ poetry on Saturday evening, here’s a taster of what the good people of Oxford were forced to enjoy:
 
IF…

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and shouting at the umpire,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
And don’t pass to you when you’re wide open

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
When you’re a substitute and the rain is falling,
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by fools intent on getting you fined;

If you can dream – of another year of promotion;
If you can think – that the 2As don’t deserve the title;
If you can meet with Chappers and Robbo;
And treat those two impostors just the same;

Yours is Richmond and everything that’s in it,
And - which is more - you’ll be a Griffin, my son!
 
Pykey Pykey

Dear Griffs,

 In the heat of our preparation for our derby against the 2A’s I would like to remind you that we are on higher moral grounds whatever the result of Saturday maybe! “Damn’ thou who got a win without a proper battle for it” is my favourite Shakespeare quote for that particular matter.

A propos Shakespeare, I have the honour and pleasure to herewith invite you - on behalf our well respected literature critic Lord Struan of Wimbledon and myself – to the first “Griffin’s Poetry in Motion Festival” on Saturday March 8th in the lovely city of Oxford, Oxfordshire.

 The arty program for that day will be:

1030 – 1200 Classical Shakespeare drama called “Richmond Griffins against the Oxford Baby Boys”

1200 – 1400 Chill-out and light pub lunch with an introductory speech of Lord Struan of Wimbledon 

1400 – 1500 Check In at the luxury 5* Premier Inn Oxford Business Park at the Garsington Road, OX4 2JZ

1500 – 1700 Guided introductory walking tour through Oxford city centre with some refreshments on the way

1700 – 1900 Part 1 of the Poetry in Motion Oxford Pub Tour “In the footsteps of J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis”

1900 – 2100 Exquisite dinner in one of the most famous literature cafes

2100 – 2400 Part 2 of the Poetry in Motion Oxford Pub Tour “In the footsteps of J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis”

2400 -          The Griffin’s Poet of the Year Award Ceremony at Nightclub The Bridge, led by Lord Struan of Wimbledon and Yerom Nunchuk, Japanese Award Winning Match Day Reporter.

During the Poetry in Motion Tour we will have the famous ‘Stand Up Poetry Competition’, where each participant will be asked to perform a memorable act with some light entertainment involving any normal Oxford pub visitors or tourists. This to obey our duty to spread the Word of Higher Literature and Poetry across to normal human beings. Oh Lord, Halleluja! So come prepared! Lord Struan and myself will objectively and based upon a livelong experience in performance poetry award the Griffin’s Poet of the Year in an Oscar-like setting at Nightclub The Bridge.

As the motto under literature friends is ‘we do not care we share’, we have reserved a number of double-bedrooms at the price of 32 GBP/head to be paid at arrival. So if you ever wanted a long night of reciting poems back-to-back under one cover with a brother-in-spirit, than come in and join us. Furthermore we request an upfront cash fee of 30 GBP/head to cover the costs of the guided tour, dinner and a couple of drinks. To be paid after the Shakespear Drama. Refunds only possible in liquid form. Please confirm your presence by replying to this email at your earliest convenience and tick the following boxes:

Yes, I would like to be at the Shakespear Drama “Richmond Griffins against the Oxford Baby Boys” at 1030
No, I can not participate because the In-Laws are coming and I am taking them on a boring boat tour across the Thames and than have dinner in a cheap dirty Asian hole in Soho/Chinatown

Yes, I need a bed for the night at 32 GBP/head and love to share it with one of the other great Griffin’s Poets
No, I have to get home to my missus straight after the match, because she is afraid that our night of poetry will end up in an ordinary binge drinking event in a table dance bar

Yes, I want to participate in the Griffin’s Poet of the Year Award Contest
No, I am too shy to recite a poem in a packed pub full of Rugby Hooligans. I rather prefer to perform a pole dancing act at breakfast the next morning.

Gentlemen, please note that dress-code for the event will be Griffins Maroon and White for the Shakespear Drama and ‘Literature Critics Costume with (Bow) Tie’ for the remainder of the event. In bed you can wear whatever you want. I need your confirmations by Tuesday March 4th Close of Play, so that I can confirm the hotel rooms.We are looking forward to seeing you in Oxford on March 8th 2008!

 The Griffins European Tour and Travel CommitteeSgd. Lord Struan of Wimbledon,
Senior Vice-President and
Prof. Dr. Dr. H.C. in British Higher Morale Standards Literature 

Sgd. Yerom Nunchuk,
Chief Executive Assistant Manager and
Japanese Match Reporter of the Year Award Winner