The Griffs

Gentlemen

I would like to begin by admitting that I have not performed my Griffin scouting duties within the law and oath that a true Griffin scout should abide by. I therefore feel it is necessary to make it clear to all those who wish to follow the Griffin scouting fraternity to read and live the Griffin scouting law. It is my true honour to present the Griffin scout’s oaths and laws:

Scouting Oath

1. A Griffin scout will do his duties to God and the King Griffin.
2. A Griffin scout will do his best to help his fellow Griffs despite whatever it may cost him.
3. A Griffin scout knows the Griffin scouting laws and will obey them.

And now for the law:

1. A Griffin scouts honour is to be trusted.
2. A Griffin scout is loyal to the Griffin King and to his fellow Griffs, and to his country.
3. A Griffin scout is a friend to all and a brother to every other Griffin, no matter to what social class the other belongs.
4. A Griffin Scout smiles and whistles under all circumstances. (My favourite)
5. A Griffin scout is thrifty.

There are other laws but I decided to scrap them from the Griffin laws cause they were dodgy and can be seen to make us weak.
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The hot English winter day of February 21, 2009, would forever change the lives of 12 young boys and 1 old man from South West London. When an urgent plea came from Griffin Walrus to come and assist his defence against an approaching force of over 50 Hampstead and Westminster men, they came from every direction and all walks of life. This is their story . . .

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“The path of the righteous team is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of biased umpires. Blessed is he who in the name of the Griffs shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost motivation. And we will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy our brothers. And you will know our name is The Griffs when we lay our vengeance upon thee.”

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The pre-match gossip was everywhere, indeed the fixture promised much. On paper - a full strength Griffin team was primed with the return of key Griffins Pacman and Judge. The opposition - Tulse Hill & Dulwich, an attacking team with pace up front benefiting from momentum on the league table.

Despite a home advantage the Griffins suffered an early set back in the form of a 10am push back. However, not to be beaten by the early start Griffins from the four corners of London (including Griffin Scale of Reading) began to turn up. All but Griffin Baar managed to beat the cold, travel problems and early start. Sources on the ground suggest his absence was down to an evening of rampant gay sex and a terrible rash resulting from the use of several tubes of KY jelly.

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The last five months have seen unprecedented global turmoil in the world economy. Job losses, recession predictions, large-scale fraud and flaccid housing markets have plagued the headlines without respite, leaving most Londoners reeling with anxiety and grappling for a glimmer of light in the seemingly endless dark void that is the future. However, as with everything, there is always the diamond in the rough; a glimmer of maroon light that pierces the blackness and warms the soul; a true testament to consistency that is the rise and rise of the Griffins. Having been embroiled in these circumstances with little time to liaise with my chief public relations officer (who deserves a special mention for taking much punishment in my absence), I once again I find myself reporting on an explosive first season half in a new league with the Griffs, their right boot firmly fixed up the proverbial ar$e of Europe ahead of the Christmas break.

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Saturday saw the Griffins return to their home turf on a mission spelt “redemption”, after the previous week’s crushing defeat at the hands of the 2As. This week against the Spencer 4s , in an epic display of humility, they snatched victory; a defeat that could only have been more appropriately administered had the opponents been bent over on the halfway line and the Griffins wielding six foot maroon rubber d1ld0s.  Read the rest of this entry »